We moved into our house a little over a year ago and I still miss the condo. Does the house have more living space? Yes. Is there a yard for Teagan to play in? Yes. Do we live in a family friendly neighborhood with nice neighbors? Yes. Do I feel ungrateful for still missing the condo and wishing we still lived there almost on a daily basis? Absolutely. But here is the thing…this house does not feel like home to me. The condo was so sublimely me. Every inch of space felt like home. I loved being on the sixth floor, having a great view, and a pool to use in the summer. I adored my red dining room, large bedrooms, and endless hot water. I thoroughly enjoyed walking to the grocery store, Starbucks, multiple places to eat, and the library. The gut-wrenching part is that I also feel like I left so many precious memories there. After we got married, Bryan moved in and we happily lived as newlyweds spending Sunday mornings reading the paper in bed. We adopted a cat and Bryan learned to love his very first pet. I spent a full day having contractions there before it was finally time to go to the hospital at midnight and meet our baby girl. It was Teagan’s first home and where I rocked her as an infant. We celebrated Teagan’s first birthday there with food, cake, friends, and family. We took walks in the hallways during Snowmageddon to alleviate going stir crazy and the night person at the front desk always greeted me by saying, “There she is! How are you darling?” Did I mention that our skyline view included the building where we had our wedding reception? I was attached to that.
Of course, we have started to make memories here as well. This Christmas was the first time we had both sets of grandparents together for the holiday. Growing up, that was never an option for me and I was thrilled to be able to provide that special experience for Teagan. I gave Bryan a grill for his birthday last year and he happily spent the spring and summer making food for anyone that would eat it. We finally have a proper guest room and it has been lovely to have friends and family take advantage of it. But I still miss the condo.
I am inspired as of late to shake things up around here – to make 2012 a better, inspiring, and more fulfilling year. The first item on my agenda is to make this house my home. Going back to the condo is not an option and living in the past is an ugly way to spend today. I need to accept this house, open my heart to it, and forge a way to transform it into my home. We have painted several rooms and even redone a bathroom…both have helped a bit. However, I think I need to concentrate on the little things…hooks by the front door for my keys since the bowl I previously used simply does not have a place in this new setup. Accepting that the bed frame I chose for the master bedroom condo is just too large for our new room. Hanging up a magnet board in the kitchen so that I am able to proudly display Teagan’s greatest masterpieces. I have started a list of these small things and it is my plan to dedicate time to one of them each day.
I have begun to think of myself as having a relationship with this house. I need to learn to work with it, not against it. I need to accept it for what it is and be proud to bring out its best qualities. And I must stop comparing it to past homefriends.